The basic definition of the narcissistic personality disorder is someone with severe limitations for understanding another person’s feelings or needs while exhibiting an excessive desire for admiration, attention, success, power, and control. Narcissists are natural manipulators adept at using other people to gain the self-reflection they desire. People involved with narcissistic individuals feel the relationship is one-way, with the narcissist always on the receiving end.
The person with a narcissistic personality disorder exhibits complete self-absorption and entitlement, but this actually covers up powerful feelings of deep inadequacy. Everyone needs to possess a healthy self-love for confidence to pursue goals and fulfillment in life, but narcissists take it to the extreme. Narcissists self-worship in a destructive way; they prevent a healthy exchange in relationships and can only very superficially recognize the needs of others or empathize with them. Even when they shower others with favors, gifts or attention, it is a manipulation for a return in some way. The narcissistic personality disorder can be overt or covert with many personas manifested in each making it more difficult to recognize.
How to Recognize a Relationship with a Narcissistic Personality
Everyone possesses narcissistic traits to some degree. There is a continuum for the degree to which an individual possesses these traits which defines healthy behavior or a neurotic or character disorder. While psychologists and psychiatrists diagnose narcissism with the help of criteria found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is helpful to recognize people with character traits that make relationships with them unhealthy. It’s often easier to do so by acknowledging one’s own feelings and perceptions experienced within a relationship.
People involved with a narcissist will often feel:
- That they exist to listen to, compliment, and admire the narcissist.
- That they are never heard, or get their needs met in the relationship.
- That the narcissist’s mood will determine the quality of the time spent together.
- Intimidated to give their honest opinion if it differs from the narcissist’s.
- Lonely and controlled in the relationship.
- Fear of being retaliated against or cut off by the narcissist.
- Exhausted and drained of energy by the relationship.
- Guilt and self-doubt by what the narcissist says or does.
- Confused and in doubt about what's real.
Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is unable to see beyond his own interests and desires. This makes relationships with him extremely unsatisfying and destructive. A true diagnosis of narcissism is difficult for the lay-person because most people possess at least some degree of narcissistic traits. A narcissist is very adept at using manipulation and control to cause doubt and guilt in the individual in a relationship with him. Being aware of one’s own feelings and perceptions in a relationship, and the unhealthy behaviors that cause them is the best defense against falling into co-dependency with the narcissistic personality.
Sources: The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, Elanor D. Payson, M.S.W., Julian Day Publications, 2002
Kimberly Rogerson - My strong creative side has led me to careers in cosmetology, graphic art, and desktop publishing. I've been writing poems and short ...
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